And I was in the darkness, so darkness I became.

   Sometimes I feel like I'm dying inside, sometimes I feel OK.
   Sometimes I feel like I would cut, just to make the pain go.
   Sometimes I think how better the lives of the people that I love would be without me.
   So most of the time, I wanna die, but the little parts of the time that are not dark, the little shiny ones, the ones that make me hope again, are worth fighting for. Life is worth fighting for. I assure you.
   I'm not saying that I'm a genius, or that I have the right age to think or feel like I'm starting to be wise, to think for myself, to be the person that I see myself becoming. But I think I'm old enough to know that life is not just about being born, going to school, working and then paying bills. I think we're way greater and bigger than that, take your time and think about that, and the next time you want to cut or to kill yourself, just think that the person or situation which led you to this are not worth suffering or dying for, 'cause they don't care, but you should, 'cause you're great, and you can achieve great things. Think about that.

"Weight"

   Weight.
   I may not appear "fat" in the eyes of the people around me. But I see myself big, very big, very fat.
   1,70 meters(5.5 feet) and 60 kg(132 pounds).
   Doctors tell that I should have 65 kg(143 p.).
   I already see myself as an obese person, how should I accept myself with 5 more kg(11 p).?
   So I wanna lost weight, I'll turn 16 soon, and there are a few months until summer, and I am fat. I hate myself, and I do not care that people want to make me feel that I look "ok", they cannot help, because I am fat, too fat, that's why no one likes me. I think that no one likes me.
   I think that my friends don't like me, my family doesn't like me, no one does. I feel like a piece of shit. And as if it wasn't enough that I'm fat, I'm ugly too, so that even if I lost weight, I'd still be ugly, so that no one would want to spend time with me. Because I'm ugly.
   So I hate myself, but no one knows that, maybe because they don't care or maybe it's just my fault. All I know is that I hate myself, I do not hate anyone else, I just hate myself.

'Religion'.

   'Religion is bullshit'-George Carlin, one of my favorite persons in the whole Universe. This man is a genius.
    I do not intend to offense any of the people that believe in Allah, God, etc. I was born in a Christian family, but I just grew up and learned to think by myself. I AM NOT SAYING THAT GOD DOES NOT EXIST! I am saying that RELIGION has done a lot of bad things to humanity, in His name.(!!) It divided us, it made us hate each other, it made us fight, it made us do lots and lots of bad things to ourselves.
   "Do you believe in God?"
   "No."
   "Then you must die."
_____________
   "Do you believe in God?"
   "Yes."
   "Do you believe in my God?"
   "No."
   "The you must die too."

GOD is not A THING that can be mine, yours or theirs. Also, God is not an old man who is staying in the sky, watching you while you masturbate and thinking how to punish you. Think about that.

It fucking HURTS!

   And I don't even know what the hell it is. But it hurts like a bitch, it hurts so much that I wanna cry, I wanna go away, I wanna die, I wanna forget. But still, I don't fucking know what it is.
   I hate myself in moments like this. I sometimes hate myself for what I am, for the simple fact that I can't be like the others. I can't be fucking normal, and have normal problems, normal thoughts, normal life. Then I remember: there's no such thing like a normal life, and I would be even more pissed at myself for being normal, being a part of them. Who are they? The people who refuse reality, and think only of cute things, a happy life and how thankful they are to 'God'.
   What I really wanted to say is don't you dare trying to change just because "others" don't like you. It's not even possible for everyone to like you, so be happy that you're not like them, be happy for your different mind, it will serve you well anytime, EVERY time, actually(although it fucking hurts sometimes).

Don't give up!

   Pornesc de la citatul "You can cry, you can scream, but you can't give up!".
   Orice v-ar spune oricine, nu vă daţi bătuţi. NU v-aţi născut doar pentru a merge la şcoală, a munci şi a plăti facturi. Aveţi un drum de urmat, o misiune de îndeplinit. Aveţi o groază de lucruri de învăţat despre viaţă şi oameni.
   Nu aveţi suport? VOI sunteţi propriul vostru suport.TU cel care citeşti asta în momentul ăsta, TU eşti unicul suport de care ai nevoie. TU trebuie să te ridici singur de jos, pentru că nimeni nu poate face asta, fiindcă nu eşti o marionetă; eşti viu.
   Orice ai face, fă-o cu tot sufletul. Orice ai dori să îndeplineşti, îndeplineşte prin muncă. Continuă să lupţi. Merită!